i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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