I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
