I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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