may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
