What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
