If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
