Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
