i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
