i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
