your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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