yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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