Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
