yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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