does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
