Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
