Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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