mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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