The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
