you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We need a shit load of segways right now
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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