once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
