I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
