Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
