Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
