mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
