Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
