at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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