Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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