I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
