absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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