Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
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