are you still at the devil's house?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
