Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My vagina is very pro this idea
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
