I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
