I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize