Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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