Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
