My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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