I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
