ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
