Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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