dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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