the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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