I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
