my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We had to coat check the pizza.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
