Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
