If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
