i would punch a child for taco bell
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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