You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
