I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
PANTIES FOUND
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