YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
