just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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