You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
