grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
