i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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