good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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