I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I AM VODKA MAN
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
