turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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