I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
