He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
