Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
