We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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