Cold hands, warm shart.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize