If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
