i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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