you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
