Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
