Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
