I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So apparently I’m into choking now
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