this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
