im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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