i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I believe in your delicious
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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