Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
babies were throwing up all over the place
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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