please come you make the beer taste better
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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