i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
