wakey wakey hands off snakey
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
