it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Let's get the cat blown out
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize