i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
